Lastly, there’s my favorite: vasopressin. Vasopressin is known as the monogamy molecule as it’s responsible for aggressive possessiveness in males and makes it absolutely impossible to love two people at one time. Vasopressin makes a person believe this is the first time they have ever felt this way before and no one else could ever again make them feel this way. This, they believe, is true love! It is not. This, says the Relationship Doctor, is a hormone that you’d better get under control because it’s making you crazy! Crazy in love at least.
So, when we “eros” someone be very aware that this one of the Greek love styles just does not last. It can’t If it did the world would stop moving as everyone in this state of mind would have zero desire to do anything or go anywhere apart from being in the arms of their beloveds. They’d not visit family. They’d not repair the house or fix the fence or write the book they’ve been planning to write. When we eros someone we think so much of them that we have much less motivation to do anything else.
While it sounds like I’m being overly critical of this love style, I am not. It is necessary to fall deeply “in love” with someone in order to commit to that person for the rest of your life. If we didn’t have these initial and overwhelming feelings who would want to promise to spend the rest of their lives attached to another completely unrelated human being with flaws and failings? This type of love attracts us to and makes us want to spend our lives with that other human. Once the eros wears off we move into another love style—one that will cause us to choose to love the other person. That’s the love style that will sustain your relationship or marriage for a lifetime, but I’ll save that for another post.
Until then, enjoy "erosing" your lover, your spouse. Enjoy this season of love because, while it is fleeting, it is a gift and it is one that you will treasure. It is a season that when looked back upon during the mundane or rough years, will remind you why you fell in love in the first place and will serve to bring you back to the love of your youth and strengthen your love for the future.
One last note, romance does not have to die. When you transition to the other kids of love, the ones that will sustain your marriage for the long haul, remember what it was like when you were "in eros" over one another and do your best to deliberately try yo replicate those days. Buy the flowers, kiss the cheek, hold each others' hands, play together more often. Just because eros is fleeting and wears off naturally does not mean that you can't work to recreate it and rebuild those feelings that brought you together in the first place. It'll be well worth the loving reward you receive in the end for your efforts.